For The Love Of All That Is Holy

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The other day I was talking to a friend and we were discussing dating and guys and basically how they all suck, except for mine of course! We were laughing and I said something along the lines of “I bet there are two guys out there right now drinking a couple of beers, playing xbox, and saying the exact same thing about girls.”

We started naming off some of the worst pet peeves we had about guys that we had dated and the laughing ensued for the next 2 hours. I figured this was a perfect discussion topic for the blog because HELLO men, get it together some of us would rather not spend the next 10 years looking for Mr. Right.

  1. “I have commitment issues”

– You’ve graduated college, have a career, and are in your 30’s. Thanks for the heads up, but I’ve already come to this conclusion.

  1. “My ex this, my ex that, my ex, my ex, my ex…”

– Oh, I’m sorry, did I ask about your ex? No? Then why are still talking about her? If we don’t ask about her, don’t bring her up, unless you don’t ever want to see us again, and then please continue talking about your hosebeast of an ex.

  1. Shifty eyes

– I know this is the first time we’ve met and you may or may not have any interest in me, but have a little class and stop checking out every girl that walks into the bar. Don’t go on dates if you are incapable of giving someone ONE HOUR of your undivided attention.

Dating smart

  1. “I don’t do crazy”

– I think what you mean is “You haven’t found the crazy that you’re willing to deal with yet.” We’re all flipping out of our mind. Some of us are just closet psychos and quite frankly those are the ones you want to look out for. If at first she doesn’t seem crazy, run far far away.

  1. I normally don’t date girls like you…

– You know you didn’t have to ask me out, Right? In one statement you made everything awkward and ruined a whole night. Way to go you GIGANTIC ass jacket.

  1. Preparing for the exit

– “Do you prefer the disappearing act or would you rather have someone just tell you they aren’t interested?” This was seriously asked on one of my first dates. We continued to date for a little while longer and then guess what happened? He disappeared. If you’re going to ask that question at least follow through. I told you to tell me you’re not interested you gigantic DOUCHE nozzle.

  1. Don’t be pathetic.

– When I say “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship” and I stop responding to your texts and phone calls, that means I’m not interested. Don’t keep texting me “Good Morning Beautiful” and “I can’t wait to see you again!”

  1. “I’ve got money in the bank.”

– Direct quote. From a guy. On a date. He then proceeded to flash money in my face. My first thought “I’d really like to Red Rover the crap out of you right now.”

For the sake of all that is holy, just date smart.

A really great woman (who shall go unnamed) once said: “I don’t know if it’s because you’re a man or because you’re stupid, but why would you do that?”

Seriously guys, why?!

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16 thoughts on “For The Love Of All That Is Holy

      • The V-Pub

        I’m sure that I’ve been guilty of one or two of those indiscretions. BUT – I’ve also have been the recipient of one or two as well. My favorite is meeting someone at the local pub for a date. That should set off alarms signals right away. I never know if I should wait one or two hours before I’m convinced she’s not showing up….

      • My rule of thumb was always wait 30 minutes and if they’re a no show, it’s safe to say I’ve been stoodup. From that point though I tried to see if I could use my standup as a chance to score a drink or two off of the bartender. I’ve been told that works better for girls than it does for guys though…?

      • The V-Pub

        IMO, getting stood up is the worst. I don’t know about the bartender thing. I suppose it would matter if the bartender was male or female, but definitely worth doing some field studies on. 😉

  1. There are not two guys out there, right now, playing xbox and discussing women — guys don’t discuss anything while playing video games.

    I like your insults.

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