For The Love Of All That Is Holy

Standard

The other day I was talking to a friend and we were discussing dating and guys and basically how they all suck, except for mine of course! We were laughing and I said something along the lines of “I bet there are two guys out there right now drinking a couple of beers, playing xbox, and saying the exact same thing about girls.”

We started naming off some of the worst pet peeves we had about guys that we had dated and the laughing ensued for the next 2 hours. I figured this was a perfect discussion topic for the blog because HELLO men, get it together some of us would rather not spend the next 10 years looking for Mr. Right.

  1. “I have commitment issues”

– You’ve graduated college, have a career, and are in your 30’s. Thanks for the heads up, but I’ve already come to this conclusion.

  1. “My ex this, my ex that, my ex, my ex, my ex…”

– Oh, I’m sorry, did I ask about your ex? No? Then why are still talking about her? If we don’t ask about her, don’t bring her up, unless you don’t ever want to see us again, and then please continue talking about your hosebeast of an ex.

  1. Shifty eyes

– I know this is the first time we’ve met and you may or may not have any interest in me, but have a little class and stop checking out every girl that walks into the bar. Don’t go on dates if you are incapable of giving someone ONE HOUR of your undivided attention.

Dating smart

  1. “I don’t do crazy”

– I think what you mean is “You haven’t found the crazy that you’re willing to deal with yet.” We’re all flipping out of our mind. Some of us are just closet psychos and quite frankly those are the ones you want to look out for. If at first she doesn’t seem crazy, run far far away.

  1. I normally don’t date girls like you…

– You know you didn’t have to ask me out, Right? In one statement you made everything awkward and ruined a whole night. Way to go you GIGANTIC ass jacket.

  1. Preparing for the exit

– “Do you prefer the disappearing act or would you rather have someone just tell you they aren’t interested?” This was seriously asked on one of my first dates. We continued to date for a little while longer and then guess what happened? He disappeared. If you’re going to ask that question at least follow through. I told you to tell me you’re not interested you gigantic DOUCHE nozzle.

  1. Don’t be pathetic.

– When I say “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship” and I stop responding to your texts and phone calls, that means I’m not interested. Don’t keep texting me “Good Morning Beautiful” and “I can’t wait to see you again!”

  1. “I’ve got money in the bank.”

– Direct quote. From a guy. On a date. He then proceeded to flash money in my face. My first thought “I’d really like to Red Rover the crap out of you right now.”

For the sake of all that is holy, just date smart.

A really great woman (who shall go unnamed) once said: “I don’t know if it’s because you’re a man or because you’re stupid, but why would you do that?”

Seriously guys, why?!

Advertisements

Top Seven Realites of Modern Dating That Everyone Hates

Standard

Recently I took a poll on what people hate most about dating in today’s world and the answers received were nothing shocking. Everything I read made me laugh, because I too have been there and experienced each and every one of these feelings.

  1. He’s always with his ex

– So, maybe he’s not physically with his ex and maybe they don’t even talk anymore, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still Facebook/Twitter/Instagram friends. Even though he says he’s “over her” and you believe him, we all know he’s still looking at her profile just to see whose doing better. Hell, I know I still social media stalk the hell out of my ex’s, not because I’m interested but just to prove that I’ve got more going for me then they do.

  1. He’s Always on his phone

– Whether he’s talking to his mom, or his buddy, or he’s on his work phone, gone are the days where you get to spend actual quality time together. Time where there were no interruptions. Even though it may be something small like a simple text message from a co-worker it’s still beyond irritating when you’re laying on the couch watching a movie and he gets all squirmy while he tries to text back and cuddle you at the same time. 2 hours, that’s all we’re asking for here. 2 hours!

  1. You can never really get away from him

– He’s always there. Your friend posts an embarrassing picture of you on Instagram and BOOM! You’re phone starts blowing up because you’re with 13 different guys. Obviously he didn’t notice the acne and lack of boobs or the caption that reads “#tbt” or “#Circa2000”

    1. You actually have to online date

– Online dating is no longer a tool that you use for convenience. You are actually forced to online date. The good ole days of meeting someone randomly out in public are no more and any guy you’d meet in bar, there is a 99.7% chance you do NOT want to take him home to meet the family. Just beware of the ones who don’t disclose important stuff on their profile. If they fail to mention their age or degree level, they’re probably going to fail to tell you they have an STD until after you sleep together. SCARY!

  1. You come off so needy

– You eventually find yourself soliciting others for a date for events like your friend’s wedding or even for Thanksgiving. We don’t all fall in love with our high school sweet hearts anymore and it’s rare that we find love in our 4 year drunken stupor that some call college. When we start to realize everyone around us is getting married or moving in with their significant other, we start begging people to accompany us as our dates so we can avoid the pity stares and the infamous “He’s out there somewhere” comment.

  1. People keep asking “when is it your turn?”

– Old people always think it’s appropriate to ask this question, but it’s not. Just Stop. Stop looking at me with your worried expression asking me when I’m going to get married or have babies. I’ll be fine. I’ve now started looking at people with the same expression saying “Oh, don’t you remember? I got married last spring. Are you feeling okay?”

  1. Dating is so embarrassing

– Cue Seinfeld – The Big Salad Episode:

Elaine: Maybe I should just get married.

Jerry: Dating is really starting to get embarrassing isn’t it?

Elaine: I know. You know, whenever I’m on a date I feel people can tell.

Jerry: People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public.

Elaine: You can say that again.

Jerry: It’s embarrassing for them. It’s painful for us to watch. I’m going out with someone later; I’m not even taking her out of the house.

Elaine: Good for you.

Jerry: I don’t need a bunch of people staring at us.

Elaine: Right on baby.

That basically sums it all up.

WARNING: The Ghouls and Goblins are out tonight and horny as can be, don’t end up drinking until you can’t see, because you might end up with HERPES! Have a SAFE Halloween!

*Don’t forget if you are interested in telling your HORRIFYING dating story or if you have an idea for a poll that you think would provide some interesting answers, send them to acbetz6@gmail.com or like us on Facebook at https://m.facebook.com/goodfoodbadcompany and direct message them.

Tinder Is The New Craigslist

Standard

Despite our best efforts, the first date with anyone can usually be pretty horrendous. The key is keeping an open mind. 99.9% of the dates I speak of are first dates and they are usually pretty horrible, but about 75% of the first dates weren’t total deal breakers. There is nothing better than an absolutely hilarious story to tell on your wedding day about the first time you met. For instance my sister and her husband have a pretty hilarious first date story. I’ll tell you that at a later date, but let’s just say they went to the mall food court. Sometimes a bad first date is the perfect way to start off a great relationship.

I’ll be the first to admit that I hate going on first dates. It doesn’t matter how many times I do it, every time is just as dreadful as the last. First dates can be rather mundane and boring. If you get in the habit of continuously going on first dates the conversation becomes rather, blah. There is really no other way to describe it. I have told far too many people that I’m the youngest of four and before I even finish my sentence I can tell you exactly what they are going to say, “So you’re the baby?” Yes, you dumb shit. The youngest of four does in fact imply that I’m the baby. Good job on putting two and two together.” I don’t mean to get so hostile, but I just get so sick and tired of answering the same questions over and over and over again. I feel like I’m stuck in bad episode of The Flying Nun. Sweet Jesus I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that show, but it is by far one of the worst T.V. shows on Antenna TV. Take my advice on this one, don’t watch it.

We’ve all heard of the fabulous and wonderful Tinder and unfortunately I’ve gone on more first dates with guys from there than I’m comfortable admitting. You never really know what you’re going to get with Tinder and so far it’s been a major disappointment, but I suppose that’s of really no surprise. After all it’s a “dating” app based on superficiality.

Tinder is exactly where I happened to meet this next guy.

First of all I feel that I need to preface this by saying the date was prolonged several days. Not because I was sick or he was sick, but simply because apparently he had “poor time management” those are his exact words, not mine. He had originally said we would go out on a date on a Sunday. He texted me maybe once a few days prior and then Sunday came and Sunday went and I never heard a word. At this point I thought “no hard feelings.” Nothing gained and nothing lost, he just wasn’t interested and that was fine because I myself wasn’t so sure I was interested either.

Sunday had passed and by Monday afternoon I had received a text message from him asking if I’d like to go out on maybe Tuesday. I agreed, because at this point in my life I don’t turn down dates. Not because I need more writing material, I actually don’t need any more of that, but because I would like to get married someday, but I’ve been told I can’t technically marry “Phil.”

I received a few text messages here and there on Tuesday and then he said he would call me when he was ready, he was thinking maybe 8:30ish. 8:30 rolled around and nothing. I waited ever so patiently and 9:45 my phone rings and it’s him. He has the nerve to ask me if I’m still up for it, I respectfully decline and try to save the hostility, after all he has no idea that I have a pretty strict bedtime of 9:30. Not because I’m lame, but because I am gainfully employed and I LOVE sleep. He apologizes and says (I do actually give him credit for his honesty) “I don’t know, I guess I just had bad time management today.”

Normally I would have been somewhere in the “Excuse me? First time we meet and you have bad time management? Get yourself together. I’m not wasting my time.” ball park, but I have realized that hostility gets you nowhere and oddly enough I wasn’t even upset or disappointed. I felt indifferent about it because at this point broken plans were by far the least of the horrible things that have ever happened to me.

If there is one thing I have learned about myself it’s that if a guy is overly interested in me I’m, for all practical purposes, out. I want nothing to do with him and or a relationship with him. If however, a guy has no real interest in me I find myself in a state of admiration. I want him and that’s final. So of course when this guy doesn’t drop his plans for me all of the sudden my interest has been peeked. Challenge accepted.

So, we made plans for a Thursday night and once again it was a late night, but we stuck to them and we both saw them through. When I had asked him where he wanted to go he had said ‘Lava’. Now, don’t worry because the first time I heard it I didn’t know just exactly what it was either. So when I Googled the place I couldn’t help but laugh when I found out it was a Hookah Bar. I don’t know if it was the fact that I hadn’t smoked Hookah since I was 18 or if was the fact that I didn’t know Hookah was even still cool, but I found this to be hilarious.

I showed up at Lava as planned and the date continued as appropriate. I don’t smoke, anything, so I drank a beer and he smoked the hookah. The date progressed as any date would and then it ended and we went our separate ways. The date definitely wasn’t bad, but it definitely wasn’t extraordinary either. It was just another first date and in order to make a solid decision on how I felt about him I would have to see him a few more times.

We continued to go on dates and continued to text and although he seemed to be a great guy, the chemistry was just so-so. It took him somewhere around 3 dates until he finally kissed me, which was strange to me, but I thought he was just being a gentleman so it was kind of sweet.

Every “relationship” (I use quotation marks because it was far from a relationship, but I don’t know how else to describe it) has that one deciding moment. There is always something that happens that makes you say “yep, I like this guy!” or “yep, this isn’t going to work.” In this scenario, for me, it was the latter of the two. I’ll never forget this moment. We went to the Farmers Market together, which in theory is ADORABLE, and we had a pretty good time. He had taken me back to my apartment and when we went to part ways I thought it would be the standard hug, kiss, and goodbye. Once again, I was wrong he hugged me for what seemed like a decade. We just stood there, outside my apartment hugging, and hugging, and still hugging, which was all fine until he said “You’re so little. I like hugging you, it feels nice.” I smiled one of those scared smiles that says “Oh. My. God. Are you going to kill me? Are you Buffalo Bill?” My friend warned me about this. She always said when dating guys from the internet you could be meeting the love of your life or Buffalo Bill.

I really didn’t think he was going to kill me, as previously stated he was a REALLY nice guy, but the strange part wasn’t the hugging. After all the hugging he didn’t even kiss me, he just turned around and said goodbye. It was at this time that I thought, I think we have both lost interest in each other and for the first time in a while I wasn’t wrong.

Some time had passed and we continued to talk off and on, but nothing serious. I was in the midst of the lease on my apartment coming to an end and I was frantically searching for a place to live so I wouldn’t have to move back in with my parents. Much to their demise this was of no success as their basement has now become my humble abode. I tell people its temporary, but I’m currently in the process of painting the walls.

Anyway, I had told him what was going on and he had said something along the lines of: “If we could be friends, it’s possible I might be looking for a roommate if you’d be interested?” I just remember thinking to myself that is quite possibly the worst way EVER to tell someone that you’re not interest. “Hey I don’t really want to date you and I don’t really like you that much. You were basically just filling time, but in an effort to not hurt your feelings and let you down easy, would you like to be friends AND roommates?” Apparently Tinder is the new Craigslist.

A Terrible Promise

Standard

I was getting my daily dose of Pinterest the other day and after I had pinned all the helpful tips that will one day make me a good mother, wife, baker, and cook, I decided I would parooz the wedding section. No, I’m not getting married anytime soon, but I’d like to think I’m one day closer than I was yesterday, although, the chances of that are about as unlikely as me moving out of my parents’ house before I’m 30. As I was searching for the perfect dress and ring I stumbled across something truly appalling: The promise ring.

My first thought was “Wait a hold it, do people still get promise rings?” as I pondered this ridiculous question I then had to further ask myself “Do adults give/receive promise rings?” I was then immediately transported back to my high school sweetheart.

I was 15 years old and I was about to enter my sophomore year of high school. I was at that awkward bratty teenage stage where I thought I was on top of the world and everyone owed me everything. I also thought I had the world dangling by my fingertips. So, it was no surprise that from the moment I first set eyes on the older boy at the X-Men III movie, I knew he was going to be mine.

I completed the mission I had set out to conquer; I did in fact make him mine. I just knew he was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. Just like I knew I would be a famous broadcaster and just like I knew my parents were out to ruin my life.

We dated all through high school and it was anything and everything, but glamorous. There was the dramatic break-up after break-up and of course every girl in high school wanted what I had, him. Or at least that’s what I had thought.

I can vividly remember the moment I made such a big deal about not having a promise ring. I was practically the only one out of my friends who didn’t have a ring on their finger to show they were in a “committed” relationship. It was such a petty thing to do and looking back on it I can’t help but laugh, but it worked. He finally got me a Promise ring and he gave it to me on Valentine’s Day, oh the originality. It was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen and it was by far bigger than any of my friends, which obviously was all that mattered. I had never been more in love than I was with that beautiful diamond.

Two weeks later we broke up.

So this brings me to the main topic of conversation, the promise ring and its stupidity.

It’s a terrible promise. At best a promise ring is a commitment to a commitment. It says “I’m not really sure I want to marry you and commit to you forever, but I think, maybe one day. So here, wear this ring and show the world my halfhearted vow that one day I might actually make a real commitment.” Chances are he’s not giving you a promise ring to show you how much he cares, he’s giving it to you to get you, your mom, your sister, and your closest girl friends to stop asking him why you aren’t engaged yet.

It’s a waste of money. I don’t know the going rate for a promise ring these days but if I had to guess I would say somewhere between a K-Mart Ring to the discounted section at Halzberg. I’m thinking of a price range between $99 and $600. How about you just save your money and put it towards the actual engagement ring you might buy me one day or you could literally buy me anything else, just not a promise ring. All I’m saying is there is a pair of Christian Louboutin heels that I’ve been lusting after and I would much rather have those than a stupid promise ring.

There are a million ways to show your commitment. As stated previously a promise ring is a terrible promise. In no way shape or form does a promise ring really provide a promise. Just like when I was 18, it easy to end the relationship. An engagement ring is given with the intent of an upcoming wedding. A promise ring is given to stall the giving of an actual engagement ring. To me it doesn’t really show commitment as much as it shows fear of making the final, actual, commitment. If you want to show you’re a committed boyfriend there are a million ways to do it and in my opinion a promise ring should NOT be one of them.

It’s childish. When you’re in high school, it’s fine. Now that we’re all adults though let’s just be upfront with what we want. You either want marriage eventually and you will make the commitment in a few years or you don’t. None of this Promise ring, maybe one day bullshit. You either do or don’t. End of story.

In the end a promise ring is a personal preference. Just know if you’re over the age of 23 and you’re boyfriend gives you a promise ring and you feel the need to show me, I will laugh in your face.

For my future love interest, or Phil if you will, if you EVER buy me a promise ring there’s probably a good chance that that will be the end of the road for our relationship. Now, if you buy me the Louboutin’s we can probably talk about a future.

What’s This All About?

Standard

Many, many, many, years ago I started down the dating path. It always seemed so exciting; so beautiful and mysterious all at the same time. Opening the front door on a Saturday night and seeing the ever so handsome man of your dreams standing there holding a bouquet of a dozen of your favorite flowers. You smile uncontrollably thinking about all the possibilities this night could have in store for you. You’ve been swept off your feet and suddenly you’re planning your future with this man.

The night comes to an end and your heart starts racing as he walks his way around to your side of the car to open your door for you. He walks you up to your front door and he’s carrying on a light and playful conversation, but you can’t focus on the conversation because you’re too worried about whether you kiss him, hug him, handshake…your nerves are shot. You both exchange a “thank you for the lovely evening” and then he leans in and…

Wait? What? This isn’t the reality of dating?

Well of course it isn’t. Let me shed a little light on the reality of dating…

Your mom, grandma, sister, best friend, cousin, whomever it might be has set you up on this date with this “guy they know who is so great and SO perfect for you.” After weeks of them talking about it constantly you finally agree to go on what you know will inevitably be a terrible date, but the fact that you could end up alone with 13 cats is even more frightening so you see it through to the end. You don’t expect the guy to open your car door or even walk you to the door at the end of the night, but you hope for a little chivalry, like paying for the date would be nice or hell just trying to NOT GET IN MY PANTS in the parking lot of the restaurant. Yeah okay, it’d be cool if we were 16, but unfortunately we’re grown adults.

The night doesn’t begin with you being swept off your feet, it more or less begins with an “oh hell I need a drink, or five” and the night sure as hell doesn’t end with butterflies in your stomach, it ends with an angry phone call to the person who set you up on this tragedy.

So to answer your question of what’s this ‘Good Food Bad Company’ (GFBC) blog all about, well it’s about a single girls struggle to find love. A single girl who has started her professional career and moved to the city, a single girl who is trying to do the impossible: make a name for herself in this world and find love all at the same time.

Usually I wind up with a bottle, or two, of wine wondering how I got to where I did and laughing, so I’ve decided to share the horror of dating with the world.