Despite our best efforts, the first date with anyone can usually be pretty horrendous. The key is keeping an open mind. 99.9% of the dates I speak of are first dates and they are usually pretty horrible, but about 75% of the first dates weren’t total deal breakers. There is nothing better than an absolutely hilarious story to tell on your wedding day about the first time you met. For instance my sister and her husband have a pretty hilarious first date story. I’ll tell you that at a later date, but let’s just say they went to the mall food court. Sometimes a bad first date is the perfect way to start off a great relationship.
I’ll be the first to admit that I hate going on first dates. It doesn’t matter how many times I do it, every time is just as dreadful as the last. First dates can be rather mundane and boring. If you get in the habit of continuously going on first dates the conversation becomes rather, blah. There is really no other way to describe it. I have told far too many people that I’m the youngest of four and before I even finish my sentence I can tell you exactly what they are going to say, “So you’re the baby?” Yes, you dumb shit. The youngest of four does in fact imply that I’m the baby. Good job on putting two and two together.” I don’t mean to get so hostile, but I just get so sick and tired of answering the same questions over and over and over again. I feel like I’m stuck in bad episode of The Flying Nun. Sweet Jesus I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that show, but it is by far one of the worst T.V. shows on Antenna TV. Take my advice on this one, don’t watch it.
We’ve all heard of the fabulous and wonderful Tinder and unfortunately I’ve gone on more first dates with guys from there than I’m comfortable admitting. You never really know what you’re going to get with Tinder and so far it’s been a major disappointment, but I suppose that’s of really no surprise. After all it’s a “dating” app based on superficiality.
Tinder is exactly where I happened to meet this next guy.
First of all I feel that I need to preface this by saying the date was prolonged several days. Not because I was sick or he was sick, but simply because apparently he had “poor time management” those are his exact words, not mine. He had originally said we would go out on a date on a Sunday. He texted me maybe once a few days prior and then Sunday came and Sunday went and I never heard a word. At this point I thought “no hard feelings.” Nothing gained and nothing lost, he just wasn’t interested and that was fine because I myself wasn’t so sure I was interested either.
Sunday had passed and by Monday afternoon I had received a text message from him asking if I’d like to go out on maybe Tuesday. I agreed, because at this point in my life I don’t turn down dates. Not because I need more writing material, I actually don’t need any more of that, but because I would like to get married someday, but I’ve been told I can’t technically marry “Phil.”
I received a few text messages here and there on Tuesday and then he said he would call me when he was ready, he was thinking maybe 8:30ish. 8:30 rolled around and nothing. I waited ever so patiently and 9:45 my phone rings and it’s him. He has the nerve to ask me if I’m still up for it, I respectfully decline and try to save the hostility, after all he has no idea that I have a pretty strict bedtime of 9:30. Not because I’m lame, but because I am gainfully employed and I LOVE sleep. He apologizes and says (I do actually give him credit for his honesty) “I don’t know, I guess I just had bad time management today.”
Normally I would have been somewhere in the “Excuse me? First time we meet and you have bad time management? Get yourself together. I’m not wasting my time.” ball park, but I have realized that hostility gets you nowhere and oddly enough I wasn’t even upset or disappointed. I felt indifferent about it because at this point broken plans were by far the least of the horrible things that have ever happened to me.
If there is one thing I have learned about myself it’s that if a guy is overly interested in me I’m, for all practical purposes, out. I want nothing to do with him and or a relationship with him. If however, a guy has no real interest in me I find myself in a state of admiration. I want him and that’s final. So of course when this guy doesn’t drop his plans for me all of the sudden my interest has been peeked. Challenge accepted.
So, we made plans for a Thursday night and once again it was a late night, but we stuck to them and we both saw them through. When I had asked him where he wanted to go he had said ‘Lava’. Now, don’t worry because the first time I heard it I didn’t know just exactly what it was either. So when I Googled the place I couldn’t help but laugh when I found out it was a Hookah Bar. I don’t know if it was the fact that I hadn’t smoked Hookah since I was 18 or if was the fact that I didn’t know Hookah was even still cool, but I found this to be hilarious.
I showed up at Lava as planned and the date continued as appropriate. I don’t smoke, anything, so I drank a beer and he smoked the hookah. The date progressed as any date would and then it ended and we went our separate ways. The date definitely wasn’t bad, but it definitely wasn’t extraordinary either. It was just another first date and in order to make a solid decision on how I felt about him I would have to see him a few more times.
We continued to go on dates and continued to text and although he seemed to be a great guy, the chemistry was just so-so. It took him somewhere around 3 dates until he finally kissed me, which was strange to me, but I thought he was just being a gentleman so it was kind of sweet.
Every “relationship” (I use quotation marks because it was far from a relationship, but I don’t know how else to describe it) has that one deciding moment. There is always something that happens that makes you say “yep, I like this guy!” or “yep, this isn’t going to work.” In this scenario, for me, it was the latter of the two. I’ll never forget this moment. We went to the Farmers Market together, which in theory is ADORABLE, and we had a pretty good time. He had taken me back to my apartment and when we went to part ways I thought it would be the standard hug, kiss, and goodbye. Once again, I was wrong he hugged me for what seemed like a decade. We just stood there, outside my apartment hugging, and hugging, and still hugging, which was all fine until he said “You’re so little. I like hugging you, it feels nice.” I smiled one of those scared smiles that says “Oh. My. God. Are you going to kill me? Are you Buffalo Bill?” My friend warned me about this. She always said when dating guys from the internet you could be meeting the love of your life or Buffalo Bill.
I really didn’t think he was going to kill me, as previously stated he was a REALLY nice guy, but the strange part wasn’t the hugging. After all the hugging he didn’t even kiss me, he just turned around and said goodbye. It was at this time that I thought, I think we have both lost interest in each other and for the first time in a while I wasn’t wrong.
Some time had passed and we continued to talk off and on, but nothing serious. I was in the midst of the lease on my apartment coming to an end and I was frantically searching for a place to live so I wouldn’t have to move back in with my parents. Much to their demise this was of no success as their basement has now become my humble abode. I tell people its temporary, but I’m currently in the process of painting the walls.
Anyway, I had told him what was going on and he had said something along the lines of: “If we could be friends, it’s possible I might be looking for a roommate if you’d be interested?” I just remember thinking to myself that is quite possibly the worst way EVER to tell someone that you’re not interest. “Hey I don’t really want to date you and I don’t really like you that much. You were basically just filling time, but in an effort to not hurt your feelings and let you down easy, would you like to be friends AND roommates?” Apparently Tinder is the new Craigslist.