A Little Cash For Your Cab Ride

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Uber

A few months ago I went on a very casual first date. It wasn’t anything special and I certainly had no intentions of it going any further than a couple of dates, at best. We met online, but it wasn’t through a dating website it was through a Facebook friend we both had in common. That alone was enough to make me 99.9% sure that this would never work. I’ve never had too much luck with meeting guys on Facebook. It’s cliché and let’s be honest, kind of creepy.

From the moment he first asked me out I immediately knew he had the first date thing on lock. He wanted to meet for drinks and a quick appetizer and that was it, meaning one of two things: he’s either only interested in sex OR he’s done this a time or two and he’s been about as lucky as I have been. Our date literally lasted about an hour and I can’t say I was upset about it. It was long enough to get to know one another on the most basic level, but short enough to make us both want a second date.

As we were sharing an appetizer of calamari and drinking our beer (thank the Lord he ordered a beer) I found myself sharing a few of my disastrous relationship stories with him. At this point-in-time he had no idea that bad dates were kind of my second job. We were flip flopping on bad date stories and I couldn’t help but be in complete awe that he had had just as many if not more stories than I had.

Time passed and we became a little more serious and to everyone’s awe we’re actually still together. Now don’t go thinking I don’t have any more bad dating stories to share, because trust me, that is NOT the case. I have an arsenal of them, but the good news is so does my boyfriend (yeah, I just said that) and now I get to share his stories to the world.

One of my favorite dating stories of his is when he leaves a girl at a concert. Douche bag move or not? You be the judge of that. Enjoy!

I struck up a conversation with a girl from Match.com one Sunday afternoon in July of 2013. We had a normal conversation via email then exchanged numbers once we became comfortable. Later that night I received a text asking if I would go for a walk and chat. I obliged and brought my lovable yet sorta fat dog with me. I was happy to see she was a dog lover and didn’t mind. Our conversation went great and so we decided to meet again for lunch the following Monday.  2 dates in 2 days! Things seemed to be going great.

Through the few conversations that she and I had I could tell that she was a teeny tiny bit on the spoiled side. You know with the “gimme gimme gimme” and “I want I want I want.” Other than that though, she seemed like a nice enough person, we all have our flaws, right?

A few days after our second date she had asked to hangout again and I agreed. That evening she had told me that her mom had bought her VIP tickets to Luke Bryan and she had asked me to go with her. Through conversation I had found out that she had had these tickets for quite some time and the concert was only three days away and she had nobody to go with. That probably should have been a HUGE red flag, but nonetheless I agreed to go.

Sunday had rolled around, the big day! Outdoor concerts have always been one of my favorite summer activities, so I was pretty excited. Not to mention we had VIP tickets which meant a private concert before the actual concert, who wouldn’t be excited?

2 hours before she was supposed to come to my house we started texting. Our conversation was about nothing really exciting, but then she said something out of the blue. She said “I just want you to know that I don’t really think I would be a good parent or that I even like kids very much.” She knew I had a son so this was a little shocking to hear. My response to her statement was along the lines of “well I appreciate you telling me now.” Not that I was in the marrying mode after just one week of dating but I certainly wasn’t going to continue pursuing someone who doesn’t like kids. She apologized and said the way it came out was not exactly what she meant, but I’m not exactly sure how else I’m supposed to interpret what she said. I was willing to look past it though just so we could have a good time at the concert.

Before I say too much more let me first say this one thing, I am a moderate country fan and Luke Bryan is just ok for me. I’m sure all the ladies disagree, but don’t get your panties in a bunch over that statement.

As soon as we arrived we did not have much time before the private concert started. We made our way to the tent and waited patiently for Luke to come out on stage. When he finally made his way out to the stage there were about 200 people huddled around the stage and the women were going crazy, as expected.

Since we were in a hurry when we first arrived I didn’t have time to buy a drink. After all, it is an outdoor concert AND there is no way I’m going to enjoy this show as much as the ladies seem to be enjoying it without a few adult beverages.

I told my date I was going to get a drink and I politely excused myself. She didn’t seem to mind as she appeared to be way more interested in screaming “LUKE.” So I made my way to the back of the tent where the bar was located, about 75 feet away from the stage.

As I was purchasing my drink a random guy struck up a conversation with me. I can’t even remember what we talked about, but about 10 minutes had elapsed. All of the sudden out of nowhere my date came walking toward me with her hands raised in the air and very angrily said “What the f*ck, dude!”

My immediate reaction was to apologize, even though I didn’t really know what I was apologizing for. I had no idea that leaving her to watch Luke Bryan for 10 minutes would be such a big deal but I was certainly sorry that she was upset. Keep in mind that the bar was in eyesight of the stage and if she turned around she could easily see me.

After the private concert we made our way to our seats in the main venue. Florida Georgia Line was up first and during their entire set she was still upset with me. I continued my apologies pleading with her to just have a good time. My pleas were getting nowhere. She continued to pout and she wouldn’t even speak to me.

After the first band ended I asked her to take a walk. I wanted to try one last time to get her to simply enjoy the concert. All my efforts made no impact as she continued to stand there with her arms crossed acting like a spoiled little brat.

I had put up with it long enough and I was at my wits end. I reached into my pocket, grabbed $40 out, and said “thanks for bringing me to the concert here’s some cab money I am going home.” I walked my happy ass out of the concert and never looked back.

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Really, No Hard Feelings

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There are very few guys that I have dated that take me a while to write about, but this is one of the few. I really had to give myself some time to heal and mull over what the asshole did before I found the humor. I’m still not sure it’s really all that funny, but it’s definitely a lesson that everyone should learn before they make the same treacherous mistake. I also had to consider my losses because this may or may not be about a family friend, but that’s what unconditional love is for.

We’ve all been in the relationship with that one guy we just can’t seem to get away from. That no matter how hard we try they are always making an appearance in our lives and when we least expect it they pull the infamous disappearing act. Making us feel used and hurt, but yet we’re still dumb enough to go back to them when they reappear.

Unfortunately I too was a victim of this very thing and now I have a pretty strict zero tolerance policy. If you pull the disappearing act, don’t plan on reappearing because in my eyes you’re dead and rotting in the fiery pits of hell.

Anyway, let’s move forward, shall we?

Actually, let’s rewind to the winter of 2012. I was in the midst of an internship and just months out from graduating college. Due to my financial situation that came along with an unpaid internship I was living with my mom and dad, which was so fun I’m actually doing it again right now.

I had been conversing via Facebook message with an old family friend. I know, “Facebook Message,” sums it up pretty well and I could probably end this post right here and right now, but let me proceed.

We talked about life and caught up and before I knew it we were exchanging phone numbers. At first it seemed harmless, like we were just old friends reconnecting, but anybody with a brain knows that a friendly reconnection is not where this was going.

We ended up getting to the point where we were texting all day every day and even hanging out on occasion. With each day that passed we grew a little closer and closer, or so I thought.

Things progressed as any teenage relationship would. We never really went out in public together but we spent some quality evenings making out on my parents couch, it’s always fun to feel 16 again. Sadly, the best parts about those nights were watching the re-runs of Friends and Seinfeld. You’d think I would have stopped the relationship here, but I pushed onward.

Things went on like this for a while. I never really knew where we stood and he either avoided the question like the plague or he gave some sap story about how some girl broke his heart 2 years ago and he just wasn’t quite healed from it. I have no idea if it was really 2 years but it was at least a year and the excuse was pathetic and over used, if I do say so myself, and I do.

It wasn’t a huge deal though because I was in no place to have a serious relationship. I was working full-time during the day, going to school full time in the evening, and living with my parents. There was no time for any of these relationship shenanigans, so I let the madness ensue.

We were about 6 months in when mixed signals started flying around like Malaria infested mosquitos in Africa. He started asking questions like “What do you look for in a guy?” and “What was your last relationship like?” He’d say things like “Let’s get married!” and “Let’s have babies!” He was jumping the gun a little, but I humored him and thought this might actually just work out.

So what went wrong? Well, I’m glad you asked because a lot went wrong.

THE OTHER GIRL

What?! Yes, this happened. It was the summer of 2013 and we were both going to the same concert. He had invited me to go with him, but I already had plans to go with a friend and I wasn’t going to leave her high and dry for a guy, so I told him I would meet him there, but when I ran into him I did NOT expect him to be with another girl. He claimed she was just a “family friend” so I let it slide. I’m sure she was just as much of a family friend to him as I was.

THE BROKEN PLANS

You would have thought he had the most erratic work schedule ever. No matter what we did or how early in advance we would plan to do something he always conveniently had to work last minute, and I’m not kidding when I say EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I even invited him to a football game once 2 months in advance and he talked about going with me all the way up to the evening before the game and then you’ll never guess what happened, yep, he had to work. You’d think with all the OT he was putting in he’d be able to live in his own place instead of with his sister.

THE OTHER GIRL

What?! There was ANOTHER other girl? Of course there was, imagine my shock and horror when I’m out with my sister and cousins and there he is in all his glory standing at the door of the exact same restaurant we went to waiting for a table with another girl, and of course I received a 4 page text message later that night about how she was just a “family friend.”

I must say, he’s got a lot of female family friends and it’s pretty convenient he never had to unexpectedly work when going out with them.

THE FIRST DISAPPEARANCE

Finally after a year had passed I got the balls to ask him where the hell we stood and I received the standard “I’m just not in a place where I can seriously date someone. You’re a great girl and you deserve so much better.”

This is a PSA to all guys out there: It’s time to retire this line.

THE REAPPEARANCE

A few months had passed and I hadn’t heard a peep from him. It was at the time that he vanished that I got on my first dating website and naturally I started dating the first guy I met. I’ve been told that having a degree, a career, and no kids puts me in the top 10% of all the single ladies on dating websites, so I’m a pretty hot commodity apparently. I digress; about three months into seeing this match.com guy, ole dickhead made his grand entrance back into my life. He sent pages of text messages talking about how he wanted to take me on a real date and how he can’t use work as an excuse any more. Blah, Blah, Blah. I tried to act like I was uninterested, but let’s be real, I’m a real idiot and this smooth talking S.O.B got me again.

Things actually went well for a few months. We were going out in public and going on real dates and I thought “well what do you know; maybe he’s finally got his shit together.”

I’ve been wrong a time or two in my life, but never this wrong.

THE QUESTION

Out of respect for my progressing age and my timeframe for marriage and kids I decided I wasn’t going to waste another year on this guy so after a few months I asked the infamous “where do we stand” question.

The question was asked around 6 p.m. on a Friday and no answer was received until about 2:30 a.m. Saturday morning that simply read “Sorry, I wasn’t ignoring you. I’ve been working we’ll talk tomorrow!”

I felt hopeful even though the red flags should have been flying left and right from the moment he said “I’ve been working”

THE SOCIAL MEDIA FIASCO

Saturday progressed and once again not a word was heard from him. So like any normal person, I got a little liquid courage in me and I sent out a very honest and unforgivable text that night that also probably made me look like a psycho, but after nearly a year and a half of wasted time I was okay with that.

Over 48 hours had passed and I still hadn’t heard from him, so I let the whole thing go and just figured he had vanished once again. I was surfing my Facebook when I came across some very interesting pictures that he was tagged in from Friday night, you know, the night he was supposedly “working.” Intriguing I know. I was obviously not going to say anything because despite the maturity level of our previous situation I, after all, am an adult and I just chalked it up to the fact that he’s a douche.

Sunday afternoon I received a Facebook message, yes another Facebook message, which read something along the lines of “Sorry for the no response I ruined my phone at work and I’m waiting to get a new one in the mail.”

Since he’s a little older I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt on not understanding how Facebook works, but the dumbass didn’t realize that the message he sent said at the bottom “sent from mobile.” So yes, consider me rather impressed that he managed to send out a Facebook Message from his phone, while it was broken.  

I never messaged back and I have yet to hear from him again.

Yes, this was a relationship between two grown adults that started and ended all at the hand of a Facebook Message.

Where is he now?

Probably working and putting in 40 hours of OT while burning in the fiery pits of hell!

But really, no hard feelings…

A Gift from God (Part 1)

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The best years of my life were without a doubt my college years. You gain so much as soon as you go off to college. You gain this newfound freedom that you never had in high school, but you are also still allowed to ask your parents for money, because you’re just a poor college kid trying to survive. However, my parents have always been a little different. With the thought process that they didn’t owe me college, and the truth is they didn’t. So my mom would come to my school once a month and buy me groceries. As you can imagine with drunken Friday and Saturday (and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday) nights my food supply would dwindle at a rapid pace. I usually spent the last week and a half of every month starving. So, it didn’t take me long to find a secondary source of food: dating.

Dating is tricky in college though. You can’t just convince any guy to take you out. 90% of guys in college are just as broke as you are, so if you can’t afford food for yourself, then you can guarantee there is a campus full of men that can’t either, meaning they won’t be taking you on a date anytime soon. So you have to be creative when you’re trying to wrangle yourself a dinner or a lunch or a breakfast, or hell even a snack. I found that Frat boys were always a pretty solid choice. Mommy and Daddy usually gave them money whenever they asked for it and they usually have some sort of Trust Fund. The downside is they are usually extremely and I mean extremely DOUCHEY; over gelled hair, popped collar, boat shoes, golf shorts, the unintelligent conversation, and the constant bragging about how privileged they are to be “a frat brother,” but as the title of this blog goes more times than not it’s always “Good Food, Bad Company.”

Not being the Frat-tastic type of gal myself I had to come up with alternatives. The idea was dating either older men or guys you found outside of the college campus. Both of which could be frightening, but the latter of the two I only did once. It truly is a dating experience that no one will believe, but I promise, it happened.

In order to help supplement my income I obtained a medial job at Kmart. The job paid like shit and the people I worked with were by far some of the strangest people I have ever met. I often times tried to play it off and make it better by saying to myself “I was grateful to have a job that paid the bills,” but the truth is it didn’t even pay the bills and obviously didn’t buy my groceries. In these struggles of money I often thought about selling my body for rent and food, but even my somewhat questionable morals wouldn’t allow it.

While employed with “Big K” I met a ginger. Now, normally I wouldn’t associate with gingers because of the fear that they would steal my soul, but let’s face it, I was working at Kmart, poor, and probably failing astrology…there wasn’t too much of a sole for him to take at this point.

One day I was feeling particularly low, I was evaluating my life decisions and at this point in time of my life that was always a rather depressing thought. I was working and as I was folding a wall of John Deere, Kiss, and American flag T-shirts this ginger approached me and expressed his interest in me and how he wanted to take me out sometime. I stood there with a blank stare on my face conflicted with the question of whether I speak or just turn around and act like I didn’t hear him. It wasn’t until he said (and I swear these are the most glorious words I have EVER heard to this day) “How would you feel about Outback Steak House?” A smile instantly stretched across my face (I can’t be certain but I’m pretty sure my eyes even got a little misty.) I could smell the aroma of the well-seasoned steak, I could feel the warmth coming off the delicious brown bread, and I could taste the cool iced tea sliding down my throat. Yes, I was in some sort heaven. God works in Mysterious ways and mysterious it was I never thought God would work through a soul stealing ginger, but low and behold there he was. A ginger standing before me looking so much like an Angel I would have sworn it was Gabriel himself coming back to spread the good news of Jesus.

The excitement took over my body and apparently my voice because when I agreed it was more in a screaming tone and I’m pretty sure all 5 customers in the store heard me. I saw a huge smile beam across the gingers face and I knew his smile was something completely different that mine. His was true excitement because he actually wanted to date me and for a split second I almost felt bad for leading him on, but who am I to turn down such a magnificent gift from God. Of course we were both benefiting from the whole ordeal. I was getting food and he was getting some pretty good company, if I do say so myself.

My hunger had kicked in and taken over my body. This beautiful ginger soul had asked me what night would work best for me and without hesitation I blurted out “right now, well tonight, you know when I get off work. That works!” He laughed a little and I’m sure he was thinking “Man, I really took a chance on asking this girl out and it’s a good thing I did. Look how excited she is.” Once again I almost felt bad, but I was just so hungry…I was running purely on hope and coffee, lots of coffee (it was free in the break room.)